I am super anxious tonight; there`s a tornado watch until midnight. Someone`s gonna die, tonight; I can feel it. 50/50 chance it`s me. I have a BAD premonition. & if something bad does happen, I am going to freak the fuck out. I`m on the edge. Ready to use scissors on my wrists, if need be. But I`m ready.
It`s raining hard
so nerve-wrecking
so anxious.
I need to go back to the hospital.
Before I do something else stupid...
Feel a bit better. Talking to Katelyn about the hospital. Man, I miss it! I swear, I`m going back soon, I can feel it.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Taken From Tuesday, November 15, 2011
You know, I just want to be happy. But I won`t let myself. I`m not quite sure why. But I`m in a semi-good mood, right now, and I want to continue to feel like this. But my parents always take everything away that I hold dear, sometime or another, so I know this won`t last...
I still haven`t heard from Joe... I might as well consider 'us' over... It probably would have never worked, anyway...
Ugh, I want to cut my arms, so bad... I wish I could.
I still haven`t heard from Joe... I might as well consider 'us' over... It probably would have never worked, anyway...
Ugh, I want to cut my arms, so bad... I wish I could.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Taken From Monday, November 14, 2011
11:21 PM
I think I`m gonna cut tonight, when I get the chance. Can`t wait.
I hate how at night my meds make me like pass out... When I stand up my heart races so fast, like literally, and I just get dizzy, light-headed. So, so tired. But I don`t want to go to bed. I don`t know why. 'Cause I want to write in here, I guess...
I miss him, so much. I feel like he doesn`t love me, anymore.... I still love him, though, & want him...
I guess I`ll go now, the scissors are calling me...
I think I`m gonna cut tonight, when I get the chance. Can`t wait.
I hate how at night my meds make me like pass out... When I stand up my heart races so fast, like literally, and I just get dizzy, light-headed. So, so tired. But I don`t want to go to bed. I don`t know why. 'Cause I want to write in here, I guess...
I miss him, so much. I feel like he doesn`t love me, anymore.... I still love him, though, & want him...
I guess I`ll go now, the scissors are calling me...
Taken From Sunday, November 13, 2011
11:32 PM
Yeah, I miss the hospital. I know, I`ve been there three times, but it just feels like a care-free home, to me. Mind you, I am talking about the mental hospital, of course.
It`s just that every time I`m there, I meet the best friends and we have such a good time, talking about our 'problems' & goofing off.
And, okay, I WILL admit it. I like the attention I receive from the other patients, how we compare our scars, life stories, & hell, weight, too. But yes, my favorite part of the hospital is that I get time away from my family, that suffocates me. AND that I get to be around other girls my age I can relate to. [Note, I also like the schedule around there, & even the part where I`m the patient & THEY`RE the doctors. Even though it annoys the hell out of me sometimes...I don`t know, I`m just masochistic I guess.]
We always hit it off good in the hospital, me & the others. No matter who is there at the time. It`s like a group home, but not as sucky.
I`m planning on getting put back in there, again, sometime. I miss it...
Yeah, I miss the hospital. I know, I`ve been there three times, but it just feels like a care-free home, to me. Mind you, I am talking about the mental hospital, of course.
It`s just that every time I`m there, I meet the best friends and we have such a good time, talking about our 'problems' & goofing off.
And, okay, I WILL admit it. I like the attention I receive from the other patients, how we compare our scars, life stories, & hell, weight, too. But yes, my favorite part of the hospital is that I get time away from my family, that suffocates me. AND that I get to be around other girls my age I can relate to. [Note, I also like the schedule around there, & even the part where I`m the patient & THEY`RE the doctors. Even though it annoys the hell out of me sometimes...I don`t know, I`m just masochistic I guess.]
We always hit it off good in the hospital, me & the others. No matter who is there at the time. It`s like a group home, but not as sucky.
I`m planning on getting put back in there, again, sometime. I miss it...
Taken From Saturday, November 12, 2011
12:00 AM
I just bought this diary, today. I couldn`t resist. I plan on keeping this one fervently. "Confessions" seems a good theme for it. Although I don`t agree with the slight spiritual side of it, the confiding part kind of suits my 'story', I should say. I don`t really know where to start all of this off. Having to write down my whole past is a pain. So, I guess I`ll just begin writing, starting with the now.
I just bought this diary, today. I couldn`t resist. I plan on keeping this one fervently. "Confessions" seems a good theme for it. Although I don`t agree with the slight spiritual side of it, the confiding part kind of suits my 'story', I should say. I don`t really know where to start all of this off. Having to write down my whole past is a pain. So, I guess I`ll just begin writing, starting with the now.
Monday, November 14, 2011
So!
You know what, I think I`m just going to write my newest journal entries here. I bought a new diary a few days ago, & I`m just starting with the present in there. I`m tired of writing about my past. So, next entry will be from my newest diary. Well, have a nice day, fucker. [:
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